Purpose?

Purpose, it's that little flame that lights a fire under your ass,
Purpose, it keeps you going strong like a car with a full tank of gas.
Everyone else has a purpose, so what's mine?
Purpose...Avenue Q

Have you found yours?

Secrets and wishes

We all have our dreams, wishes, secrets and fantacies...how hard are you willing to work for it and will anyone ever know about it?

願我可以學會放低你...何韵诗

Defying Gravity

Something has changed within me,
Something is not the same,
I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game

Defying Gravity....Wicked

For now...

It's been a while since I visited my own blog...sigh...

Everyone's a little bit unsatisfied.
Everyone goes 'round a little empty inside.
Take a breath, Look around,
Swallow your pride,
For now...

Nothing lasts,
Life goes on, Full of surprises.
You'll be faced with problems of all shapes and sizes.
You're going to have to make a few compromises...
For now...

For now we're healthy.
For now we're employed.
For now we're happy...
If not overjoyed.
And we'll accept the things we cannot avoid, for now...

Sex – it’s only for now
Your hair – it’s only for now…

Don't stress, Relax,
Let life roll off your backs
Except for death and paying taxes,
Everything in life is only for now…

Each time you smile...
It'll only last a while.
Life may be scary…
But it's only temporary…

...lifted from "For now" (Avenue Q)

Survivor

Drama in life:
Expectations
Anger
Shock
Envy
Warning
Bitterness
Hypocrisy
Failure
Volublous
Favouritism
Racism
Self-denial?

I'm a survivor
I'm not gonna give up
I'm not gonna stop
I'm gonna work harder

I'm a survivor
I'm gonna make it
I will survive
Keep on survivin'
...Survivor, Destiny's Child

Life is like drama isn't it....not all happy endings

Wine loosens the tongue

It's been a while, I know. Been too busy work (or maybe that's just an excuse I give myself) but anyway, this will just be a short post.

Just wanna shout out THANKS to my alcoholic buddies and that special someone for the binge over the weekend...best b'day celebration in years...and i'm still wondering if putting a hammock in the house is a good idea :)

Wine loosens the tongue,
Alcohol breaks the sink!!

Over the rainbow?

If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow
Why, oh why, can't I?

...Over The Rainbow, The Wizard of Oz

Here we go again

Here we go again . . . yet another melancholic song playing now in my iPod

There are places I remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I've loved them all

...In My Life, Beatles

Beliefs

I believe above the storm a smallest prayer will still be heard
And I believe that someone in the great somewhere hears every word
Everytime I hear a newborn baby cry
or touch a leaf
or see a star
then I know whyI believe
...I believe/You'll Never Walk Alone

I believe that someone way up there watches every action
That what you give, you get more in return
That life, like love, is meant to be shared
With people whom you feel a connection

What do you believe?

Part of your world

What would I give if I could live out of these waters,
What would I pay to spend a day warm on the sand...

... Up (out) where they walk
Up (out) where they run
Up (out) where they stay all day in the sun
Wanderin' free
Wish I could be
Part of that world

...the Little Mermaid... (words in bracket added for dramatic effects :p)

Sigh! A friend is right . . . i got to stop listening to sad melancholic suicidal songs . . . but i can't . . . like a moth drawn to a flame . . . aarghh!!!!

Going home

No, this is not another mindless ranting about too much work - that's a fact of life, for me, for now, anyway.

Was talking to a friend earlier on what happens to us once we move on from this world - what waits for us over the other side? Is it determined by what we do on this side, here and now? I would like to think that but then there's just no guarantee, is there?

They say there's a place where dreams have all gone
They never said where but I think I know
It's miles through the night just over the dawn
on the road that will take me home

Love waits for me 'round the bend
Leads me endlessly on
Surely sorrows shall find their end
and all our troubles will be gone
And I'll know what I've lost
and all that I've won
when the road finally takes me home

...Going Home, Mary Fahl

waste

While driving to work today, a thought popped into my head - How do you know if you have wasted something if you don't know how much you have there is with you? If you have abundance of a certain thing and you give/spend away a little, you won't think it's wastage; like money. Yet, you only think you've wasted something when you want more, yet you got no more to take from. I tried to think how this applies to other aspects in terms of effort, time, love, even life.

Let's start with an easy one - How do you know or how can you tell if you've wasted time and effort in doing something? If you have all the time in the world, you won't think that you're wasting time sitting around doing nothing. Yet, it is only when you're pressed for time do you feel that you may have spent some unwisely- i.e. wasted. But then again, if you have all the time in the world and you spend all of them doing what you think was right and proper, you might still look back and see that you might or could have spent some differently. Is it only through hindsight that we'll recognise wastage?

If that is the case, what about love and life - does it mean that you won't know if you've wasted love and life until the day you've got no more to give? What happens then when you've got no more to give? Is that what happens when your life flashed before your eyes at that last moment - for you to determine if you've wasted what's given to you? Will regret be the last feeling I have before I die?

I must stop thinking such thoughts while driving ... I really don't know what to think.

Melancholic

As dusk sets in
and the sun has just gone over the horizon
the sky's getting dark
and yet the streetlights are not lighted
and the streets are all quiet...with not a single sound can be heard
as if the world has just stopped and turned it's back on you.

It's like everything's ending and there's nothing bright shining through ever again and it'll just get darker and darker and before you know it, everything's gone. It's pitch black and as much as you try to imagine and recall, you'll never be able to recollect how it was when it was bright and sunny and the world was such cheerful and wonderful.

Will you accept defeat and just let the darkness envelopes you totally? Or would you still run towards the setting sun, hoping against hope that you'll be able to reach it and there will be a glimmer of light for you, even if it's just a single ray of the sun?


Everything must change...nothing stays the same
Everyone must change...no one stays the same
The young become the old
And mysteries do unfold
Cause that's the way of time - nothing and no one goes unchanged
There are not many things in life you can be sure of
Except rain comes from the cloud
Sun lights up the sky
And butterflies do fly
And music makes me cry

VOLUBLOUS

I learned a new word today from a colleague - voluble. Checking the dictionary and thesaurus, it means vociferous, fluent, articulate, etc...

Derived from voluble is a new word I'm going to add to my vocabulary - volublous. No, this derivative word doesn't exist yet and you won't find it in any dictionary. So what does it mean?

Volublous = Voluble + "xxx"ous, eg
Volublous = Voluble + Glamorous, or
Volublous = Voluble + Envious, or
Volublous = Voluble + Ridicuous ...you get the meaning

I personally think it's a wonderful word to use. For example, when you see the Datin's and Puan Sri's having coffee with rocks on their fingers the size of your ipod earphones and they start talking loudly about their husbands' achievement and how well their children are excelling in school - you don't have to give them the stare - it's practically normal for them to talk that way, they are just being Volublous.

Of, if you ever meet one of those people who can't stop complaining (in a fake foreign accent too) about how bad your/the service is, how shopping overseas is much better than in KL, etc etc - again, you don't have to give them the stare or the finger...just say loudly behind them "I'm amazed, I've never met somebody so Volublous in my entire life".

Don't get me wrong, Volublous can also be used in a positive manner, such as, when you admire a colleague or a friend who can manage to talk their way out of problems/doing work, or convince the traffic cops not to give them a summons (although they were driving 120 in a 70 zone), they are just (altogether now...what's that word) ....Volublous

What does it mean?

Is life trying to tell you something when you set your iPod on shuffle mode, and among hundreds of songs, two different versions of "Send In The Clowns" play back to back?

Don't you love a farce
My fault i fear
I thought that you want what I want
Sorry my dear

Isn't it rich
Isn't it queer
Losing my timing this late in my career

But where are the clowns
Quick send in the clowns
Don't bother, they're here

A movie and a song

Have you ever experienced a moment whereby you were moved to tears by a movie or a song? For me, it was the movie Beaches. In the last scene of the show, Bette Midler's character sings Wind Beneath My Wings with just an overhead spotlight shining on her, and Barbara Hershey's character's daughter looking by the stage side. That scene is so moving it makes me cry (yes I admit, I cry sometimes) everytime I watch it and I never remember crying over a movie before that (not even when ET has to go home) and not since.

Why am I writing this? I've just listened to that song again and for some reason, I felt like crying but this time not because it reminded me of the scene from the show but somehow I just feel sad. Dunno why. Hmm...I think I need to see a shrink soon.

In the meantime, have you recently said thank you to the wind beneath your wings?

Mindless ramblings from a 30s chinese guy

Here I am, 12666 days old (or 34 years, 256 days old today-thanks to the marvels of Excel), and i don't have an idea what to write...talk about your major writer's block...not that i'm professing myself to be a writer and not that this blog is anything like Bridget's all ready for a major hollywood production.

Oh well, time for a cup of hot milo and stare at the dark ceiling, counting sheep which actually i know won't work but it'll keep my mind off the fact that I'm staring at the dark ceiling counting sheep which won't work but.....(u get the idea)

Sugar and Sago Pudding

A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down...
A bowl of "Mango and Pomelo with Sago Cream" lifts my work-related frown

Another deadline for another client

Time and time again I've said that I don't care
That I'm immune to gloom, that I'm hard through and through
But every time it matters all my words desert me
So anyone can hurt me - and they do

Call in three months time and I'll be fine I know
Well maybe not that fine, but I'll survive anyhow
I won't recall the names and places of this sad occasion
But that's no consolation - here and now


...from Another Suitcase In Another Hall, Evita

(i've got no title for this)

There are times when you feel like you wanna run up the hilltop, with your arms outstretched, singing your heart out with all the joy in the world just like Julie Andrews did in the opening scene of The Sound of Music . . . I don't feel like that right now.

Instead...
I wanna throw up yet there's nothing wrong with me
I wanna jump out the window but the window can't be opened
I feel trapped between the devil and the deep blue sea
I feel like the victim in Saw/SawII (if you've seen that movie)
I feel like singing yet no voice can come out
...that nagging feeling that everything is not right in the world and everyone is out to get you...I feel that right now....


The hills are alive with the sound of music....yet all I can see in front of me are mountains of work and stress which I can do without yet I can't avoid....

An afterthought

Instead of "Don't judge a book by its cover", perhaps it should be "A book is only as good as how much other gain from reading it"? :P

Revelation of an old man

Well, in the spirit of Roosters and Dogs (and procrastination of course), how was your chinese new year celebration? Did you say "It was another just like an orgy of food, questions on your marital status and forced pleasantries"? Well, the good news is that there's 11 more months till the next one. How much leftover cookies do you have to finish till then?

I've got a revelation recently, heck I don't think it's a revelation but rather something that struck me in the head like the stench from a case of rotten papayas. It finally dawned on me that our lives are going to be judged by what it meant to other people. What I mean is, if you think of it, the people who's remembered most is generally the people who have affected others the most in their lives, right? If that's the case, then does it mean that we are brought into this world not to live our lives for ourselves but to live for others? And if that is true, how am I doing at this test? And how are u doing? Wouldn't it be just sensible to reach out and touch others than to go on telling the world about how good your life is or how well you're living? Isn't that goodness meant to be shared else it doesn't add up to much? I mean, what I do with my life in my own time is between me and the Creator....but what I do that affects others will be how I'll be remembered in this lifetime, correct?

Do you even understand a word in the paragraph above? Upon re-reading it, I am not quite sure what I'm trying to write or say :P But that's me nowadays, babbling like an old man on steroids with no comprehension of what I'm saying. Hmm...

Luck

As the Dog takes over from the Rooster,
And the lunar calendar resets to a new year,
As friends and relatives visit from far and near,
Here's wishing you prosperity, health and cheer.

Gong Xi Fa Cai

Ode to the old year...and new...

Before I begin, here's a confession - YES, procrastination will continue to weigh down on almost everything i do in this new year, as you can tell from the fact that it's already the 14th and here i am posting a blog on the old and new year . . .

Right then, after that little confession, here's my ode to the old year, and the new one:
To babies and births:
As your cry ring out in the maternity ward,
And your grandparents smile with joy,
Your parents must be wondering how to afford,
Your clothes, education and toys.

To the kindred spirits in my life:
To each one of you,
I don't say this enough
But you are truly the Wind Beneath My Wings,
And for the times where I've not answered your calls, mails or messages
Or the times where you've taken crap from me
I'm truly sorry as you deserve much better
But I'm glad you were there and is still here
Life would be impossible without you.

To a good friend who has gone, old friends whom I don't see as often and new friends:
I've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led to those who help us most to grow, if we let them
And we help them in return...

It well may be that we will never meet again in this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...

I'm who I am today because I knew you
...borrowed that from Wicked, the musical

- thank you for all that you've given me

To my clients and (some) bosses at work:
"I gotta get outta here
It's like i'm being tied to the hood of a yellow rental truck
being packed in with fertilizer and fuel oil
pushed over a cliff by a suicidal mickey mouse"
... borrowed from Rent, the musical

Till my next blog . . .